The Set-Up

I recall as a little girl one too many nights sleeping sandwiched between layers of quilts because the electricity bill wasn’t paid on time.  I remember growing so fast that my pants hit above my ankles and my winter jacket rode up my forearms.  I vowed that I would do everything in my power not to live that way for the rest of my life. 

My brother and I are the first generation on both sides of our family to graduate from college and hold nine to five jobs that not dependent on the weather forecast.  I feel a great deal of security in that, and I’m confident he does too.  We were hopefully that when we broke out of the mold we were born into that all of heartache would be gone.  Then why do we struggle with where we are in our lives and complain about the obligations to our work, our family, our friends and our home?

Achieving college degrees has certainly put us in a better position to raise our families.  I can’t speak for him, but in my heart, I’m still missing something.  Just like the elementary school days when our friends would talk about last night’s TV show and we would just sit back and smile, pretending we knew what they were talking about and trying hard to fit in.  But we didn’t having cable television and I’m tired of trying to fit in with the rest of the world.

I believe, again, I’m making a turning point in my life and a little voice deep down is telling me to slow down.  I can’t take the money or the career with me when I’m dead.  (Hell, I can't help the folks I work with take it with them but that's just a whole different subject.)  And I don’t want the people in my life who love me to remember me by those things either.

So you see I guess I’ve set myself up for this.  Here I am, twenty five years later, tucked in tight between my sateen sheets feeling the warmth of my daughter’s body and her breathe on my cheeks, vowing to make another change in my life.  Unfortunately, there isn’t a school in the country that can teach me what I want to know; only life lessons.

And like sailing the uncharted waters of writing essays for college applications, I’m going to again pull the anchor and open my sails; pick up where I left off a few months ago and focus on my spiritual growth.  Look beyond the day-to-day chores of my career and home responsibilities so I can open my heart and see the beauty of the people I meet and the place I call home.