It all started about three weeks ago when I made an appointment to visit my family doctor for a sinus infection. I got a whole lot more than I bargained for. The nurse did the normal weight check, blood pressure reading and body temperature scan. Then, my doctor walked in, and instead of sitting at her desk, she pulled up a chair and sat knee to knee across from me.
Not the usual protocol for a sinus infection.
“Have you been taking the anti-depressant I prescribed last fall as directed on the bottle?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“Are you eating regular meals?”
“Somewhat”.
“Are you eating healthy meals?”
“Kind-of.”
“Are your exercising?”
“No.”
"Jenn, I just want to bring to your attention that you've gained some weight over the past few months and I ask you to be more aware of taking care of yourself physically. We can make changes to the dosage of the anti-depressant if you'd like. Sometimes the effects of stress, anxiety and depression sneak up on us."
Defensively I responded, “I’m not stressed, anxious or depressed. I’m here to get rid of this nagging headache from a sinus infection!”
After the appointment, I drove to the pharmacy to fill the antibiotic and, feeling defeated; bought a bottle of wine too.
Over the course of the next 10 days, I finished the prescription but my nagging headache didn’t go away. I pushed my way through the day-to-day only to find relief during sleep. I should have been paying attention to the signs.
- My house is a wreck. I haven't cleaned in a while and really don't care. I'd rather just go to bed.
- I've found it very difficult to carry on normal conversations with people. Even worse, I can't seem to put an intelligent sentence together!
- I'm distracted by, what seems like nothing at all. I just can't focus; the synapses aren't firing people!
- I take everything personally and don't feel like I'm being validated.
- I have a headache every single day. There is no relief. I'm in a constant daze.
Yesterday, I reached a tipping point while at work. Frustrated with being unable to concentrate and falling behind on my work, I melted into tears.
What's wrong with me? I feel like there's another person in my head taking over. This is not who I am or want to be!
Unable to control my tears, I left work and drove home sobbing the entire way. At home, I slept for hours. These days it is my only relief from the constant throbbing in my temples. And, while I’m still not in a very good place today, I recognize that I have some serious healing to do.
Life is such a delicate balance. If you’re not looking closely, the tipping point will sneak up on you. And, it's really dangerous and embarrassing when it does.
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